Money Money Money

AS AN ASIDE AND BEFORE I GET STARTED….I’VE DECIDED THAT I’M MORE THAN READY TO LEAVE THE PAST BEHIND. IT’S MY TIME TO LIVE, LOVE AND BE IN THE PRESENT. TO CREATE NEW STORIES OF FUN AND ADVENTURE. AND SO, I REALIZE THAT MY PAST STORIES INFORM MY PRESENT TO A DEGREE, HOWEVER, AS I MOVE FORWARD EXPECT MY STORIES TO REFLECT MY MORE OF MY LIFE JOURNEY NOW. HAVING SAID THAT…I COULDN’T LET THIS GO.
I know. We are not supposed to talk about money. What it is, what it represents, who has it, who needs it, what we do with it or what we don’t do with it. Collectively we all just know or decided that it’s not a good idea to talk about money.
Kiss that goodbye.
I’m talking about money.
Because money is well…money.
Money to me is freedom.
For as long as I can remember I have thought of money as freedom. When I was younger and started babysitting at 12 and then working my first real job at 15 (at Swenson’s Ice Cream-I would have to walk to get there having no transportation, hoping a co-worker would give me a ride home) I thought about money as a way to make my own decisions and choices. Even as a teen, I used my own money to survive.
I put myself through college and graduate school with work, loans and scholarships. It was my only choice. And I viewed education as a way to independence. Luckily, for me, it was.
Full disclosure: I’m going to tell my truth here.
Money played a big role in my Stepford life. At first, poor as Church mice and then as life changed, opportunities came our way. This life did NOT happen in isolation. It took TWO WORKING partners-regardless of who “earned” the dollars. As a stay at home mom, a joint decision from early on-I “earned” income too. It fell on me to DO everything else. Which I did. For years. I “earned” that income too. In fact, without me, those dollars would have been harder to earn. I cleared the way so that jobs could be done excellently.
However, it came to pass that I didn’t know the entire story.
A partnership to me is exactly that. For me, a partner is that person (friend, spouse, relative, co-worker, because there can be many definitions of partner) who is honest, has integrity, is open to change and new ideas especially as life changes, able to roll with the punches without placing blame on anyone else, willing to be accountable and here’s the big one: a partner is someone who doesn’t steal, hide or manipulate to meet their own agenda or gain.
Sure, in the beginning, we discussed and planned and yet somewhere along the line, I was hustled OUT of discussions and decisions. I was told for years, “There is no money.” I was locked out of file cabinets, accounts and passwords WITH MY NAME ON THEM.
Until of course my name was no longer on them.
Huh. Think about that.
A partner removing another partner’s name that belonged to said partner.
In your wildest dreams, can you even imagine that?
It took my lawyer almost six months to access ANY of my own funds. And then almost two years for my funds to rightfully be returned. To me. My own money. That I earned. That I worked so hard for. More often than not at this point it felt like Monopoly money. I couldn’t see it or sense it.
Money.
And yet, it’s not all about money.
It’s about what money represents.
It was about narcissism, deception and outright stealing. There are so many positive ways the money that was spent in battle could have been used. So many people who could have been helped, so many places that could have used the funds in a practical way and it makes me sick to my stomach to think this hard-earned, well-saved money could have done so much more good in the world. This money I had to use for battle could have funded a small nation for two years.
Moving on.
I’ve been educating myself in the ways of money. What it is, what it can do, what I can do with it. How I can make sure that money is surrounded by positive, good energy from this day forward. My choices and decisions now come from abundance not scarcity. When I view my world and all the amazing choices and freedoms now available to me…abundance and light are the only descriptive words I think of. Generosity of spirit which can include actual dollars helps me too. I’m working on generosity of spirit each and every day.
I have PTSD about money. This will take me time to adjust and acclimate. Thinking about it and talking about it open and honestly helps.
I ask lots of questions. Luckily, I have a team that answers all of these questions, patiently while educating me and talking me off the ledge (see above about funds being used to better the world).
Never being a spend-thrift (have you seen my car?) I think long and hard about decisions. I also have a PLAN and this wonderful idea comes from my friends Mike and Teri Rosenbloom. I love to hear them talk about their choices and what they’ve taught their kids about money. They spent an evening talking me through logical steps forward which I will forever be grateful for. The most important idea: PLAN.
Yes, I have choice, and if I plan those choices feel so much better. I love to plan. It’s almost as fun as the actual purchase sometimes. In addition, when I plan I’m making short, intermediate and long-term decisions. From my own knowledge, research and ideas. Necessities and fun choices…these are mine…and all up to me. I hope that I can continue to look at money at something which brings joy.
I’ve decided (with a little help) that only that which brings me joy comes with me as I move forward. I realize that money can do that.
Money…its energy and choice, freedom…all with a plan.